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 Ask
Roxanne
Q:
I am a 22 year old
mother of three. My children are 4yrs, 2yrs, and 3 months. I am having a
very hard time getting back to my weight after my third child. After my
first two I dropped my weight back down to 130lbs. I am now at 150 and
no matter what I do I
can not shake the weight.
I am also
breastfeeding, therefore I can not diet as normal dieters do. I can
not take supplements or fill up pills. I have been working out 5 days a
week since my youngest was 6weeks old. I lost a few pounds at the
beginning, but now I am stuck at 150. I am 5ft 7in tall and want to get
back down to 130. Most of the weight that I can not shake is, of course,
my flabbing tummy, hips and thighs (inner and outer). I can not stand it.
I am so upset about this it has really affected me emotionally and
socially. PLEASE
HELP!!!!!!!
Thank you,
Lindsay
Dear,
dear Lindsay:
What a timely
letter (they often are). I'm going to answer it in the Ask Rox forum,
because you've hit a nerve that will be familiar, I think, to a great many
hot mamas. First, let me say what all mothers need to hear:
-
You have a
great body
-
Your body
birthed a baby
-
And is
feeding a baby
-
That's one
great body
Okay,
platitudes aside, here's the dope. First of all, you have no idea what
your "my weight" is, because you got pregnant with your first child before
you even finished growing! My body at 17 was not the body I had at
23 was not the body I had at 27, and I had no children in that time. In my
late teens, I was a rail with no discernible chest, then I went to college
and gained the proverbial "freshman fifteen," which, in typical
overachiever's fashion was actually twenty pounds. Bear in mind that I am
just over 5 foot 2 and have the smallest frame possible (meaning really
small bones -- my wrist is so small I have to cut down children's
watches). Therefore, I had a face shaped like a Moon Pie and a chest like
Dolly Parton's. Now, after weaning my daughter, I am still smallish, but
thickwaisted from the front, and now, I once again have no discernible
chest. All these bodies have been mine. In retrospect, some I liked more
than others, but they were always good to me, though I was not so good to
them.
Let me be
blunt -- if you decide to climb Everest, you'll have to prepare for about
a year. Get in the best physical shape of your life, find a reputable
climbing outfit, raise money, get fitted out and find your way to Nepal.
You'll learn about Everest, and one of the things you will learn is that
it's rather chilly there. Once there, when you notice that it's cold, will
it surprise you? Will you mention it repeatedly? Will it affect your self
esteem? No, because you have other fish to fry. Well, having a baby (just
one, mind you) is like
climbing Everest,
physically and mentally. We should try to be in the best shape possible
before getting pregnant, we should prep by taking folic acid before even
trying to get pregnant, we should stay in great shape throughout the
pregnancy -- knowing that labor is a marathon and that the fourth
trimester is fraught with hormonal changes, night sweats and mood swings
the likes of which are hardly ever seen outside a Turkish prison. But we
don't, because we're human. And, you, my dear Lindsay, have climbed
Everest THREE TIMES in the past four years!! What, exactly, did you think
your thighs might look like at this point? :)
To extend the
Everest metaphor (only because I've read a cool book about it, not because
I ever climbed anything resembling a mountain, myself. In fact, the
description of the travails involved in getting to the BASE CAMP of
Everest pretty much were enough to wipe that off my to-do list
permanently!), after such a grueling climb, it takes weeks if not months
for the climbers to recover. Vicki Iovine, one of my personal goddesses,
writes in one of her umpteen books that, whether she put on a leotard and
headed out to step class the minute her doctor gave her the go-ahead or
just spent the entire post-partum time at Gymboree, her body needed, what
a surprise, about 9 months to take off the weight it took nine months to
put on! If you have three kids in four years, you can pretty much expect a
forecast of slightly flabby, with fat in the horizon and storm clouds full
of stretch marks. If we are to be quite frank, the same weight post-baby
doesn't look just like it did pre-baby, right? For our New Year's
Resolutions, Bob and I decided to get into great shape. All went well, for
about three months, then he took off with
Gilad's Quick-Fit System,
and I got sick, busy, tired and trailed off. At this moment, it feels
easier to get pregnant again so that my not-so-firm tummy would have a
raison d'etre than to get back up on that Reebok Step I asked for last
Christmas.
At this point,
you're probably asking yourself, "Did she even READ my question?
I feel yucky and want to look good!!"
I do hear you, but I just want to point out that your body is just coming
off a long, weird cycle of up/down, pregnant/not and is tired all the
time. Not optimum for an Olympic athlete, not optimum for you. What can
you do? Here's my 9 step program for looking and feeling great while
nursing a baby and being a mom (do I need to remind everyone here that I'm
not a doctor, have only played a nurse on tv and that all weight loss and
exercise programs should be started under a doctor's supervision? Well, I
just did.)
-
From us, the
Spanx power panty and stuff will hold it all in til your insides
adjust and your muscles get stronger. Look good immediately.
-
Stop wearing
big, baggy or shapeless clothes. This only makes you look like hell. Go
get a pair or two of pants or skirts and some tops that fit you now,
flatter your face and that have some colour. Wear a little makeup and
let your hair down sometimes.
-
Stand up
straight and as tall as you can.
-
Throw away
your scale. It's fairly useless. You can weigh 125 and be all flab, or
150 and be a sculpted vision. Muscle weighs more than fat, anyhow. Did
you know that many anorexics are medically obese, because of the
complete lack of muscle in their builds?
-
I checked
your weight out for your height. It is a bit on the heavy side of
normal, but you just had another baby, and may be big-boned. I tried
looking up your BMI, which measures your body fat as a function of your
height and weight, but found that ... "BMI is reliable for most people
between 19 and 70 years of age except women who are pregnant or breast
feeding, competitive athletes, body builders, and chronically ill
patients." That about says it all right there, doesn't it? You're still
a little bit pregnant, so let it go.
-
Check out
DeniseAustin.com. She's got a
half-hour show on Lifetime every morning that's a good, complete
workout. She's a mommy of two, and she's full of practical,
helpful, non-fad advice. If you can't get the show, go to Amazon
and get:
Bounce Back After
Baby (1998)
-
Did I
already mention tossing the scale? Just checking.
-
That's great
that you're not popping any diet pills. Geesh! That shouldn't occur to
you. Even though some of these suggestions involve getting a book or a
tape, being healthy shouldn't involve paying anyone anything. Get the
books and tapes at the local library, if you prefer. Speaking of which,
get this one:
Eat Well, Lose Weight While Breastfeeding:
Complete Nutrition Book for Nursing Mothers, Including a Healthy Guide
to Weight Loss
Including a Healthy Guide to Weight Loss Your Doctor Promised
by Eileen Behan
I haven't
read it yet, but I'd bet one of the things it suggests is to not clear
the table by eating the last of the mac and cheese and pepperoni pizza
that my kids live on! Other mothers seem to like this book, so it'll
probably be helpful.
-
Don't have
any more babies for a couple years. Seriously, a woman's body needs two
years after the birth of a child before getting pregnant again just to
replenish lost minerals and let bones get back into place. I want
another baby, but I just feel like I need a minute longer or my very
bones will snap.
I hope some or
all of this is helpful. Realize one very important thing ... the woman
giving you this advice is thirty-seven and a half years old, so all the
stuff I did after my two pregnancies was harder because I'm practically a
grandmother agewise!! :) My body now is better and stronger than it was at
23, and in ten years, yours will be as fabulous as you want it to be. Put
the focus on your insides -- how they feel. If you can keep up with THREE
little kids, you are a strong and amazing young woman. Looking like a hot
bod on the outside requires hours of dedication ... part of the reason
Jennifer Garner of Alias and her husband are splitting is that if she
wasn't at work, she was at the gym. Okay, thta's according to the Enquirer
-- but they're usually a little bit right. You already have a full-time
workout on your plate -- with a 4-yr-old, a 2-yr-old and a 3-month-old
trainer. Write me back when everyone's in school and you're able to run a
couple miles a day. You'll be missing this mushy body time you had with
your babies! :)
Take care,
Roxanne
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